for xs++ i clicked that 'connect' button and followed the directions but nothing happened?
First of all, power off your phone, remove the battery, then put back(but don't power on). In XS++ click the 'Connect' button. Now press the C button in phone and connect the cable(don't relase the C button until the Windows recognize it).
how would i know what firmware to use? any firmware?
MystiK972 already answered this question:
4.in order to see which firmware is on your phone press on the phone keyboard :
>*<<*<*, then go to "service info" then "software info"
and whats FAR manager? how could i tell if my phone is CID51 OR 52? im so sorry for the no0b q's.. i just wanna get a full understanding on things before i start messing with my phone.
Forget FAR manager for now, first learn how to use XS++, SETool2 Lite :D
When you connect your phone to XS++ you will see an EROM CID: XX line where XX is the CID number. You do the right thing :). If you fully understand what is going on, then you will not brick your phone...

i unzipped and only found security catalogs, setup info, and 2 folders with system files in them
Right click on that setup info file and choose Install... menu item. You will not see any visual indication, but the driver will be installed.